Four: Mayor or Despair

Image of “Mayor of Despair”. Acrylic on a 24 × 36 × 0.75 canvas.

Ansel often jokes, bitterly, that he is the “Mayor of Despair.” But beneath the humor lies a truth he cannot escape: his mind is a city governed by fear, and he is both its reluctant leader and its most captive citizen.

Within this city, the streets are crowded with anxieties. Every alleyway hides a catastrophe waiting to unfold. The skyline is dominated by towers of doubt, their windows glowing with imagined disasters. Even the parks and open spaces — places meant for rest — are overrun with whispers of what could go wrong. And at the center of it all sits Ansel, presiding over a council he never asked to lead.

“Mayor of Despair” framed and in natural light.

The governance of fear is relentless. His unwelcome companion acts as the city clerk, filing endless reports of imagined crises: a plane destined to fall from the sky, a heart attack waiting in ambush, a bruise conspiring to become fatal. Each report is stamped “urgent”, each scenario treated as law. Ansel, as mayor, feels compelled to respond. He checks, rechecks, and placates, as though signing legislation that keeps the city from collapsing. But the bureaucracy of despair is infinite. There is always another form to sign, another ordinance to enforce, another phantom emergency to address.

The city council of his mind is populated by voices of doubt. They argue in chambers that echo with panic. They demand vigilance, insist on caution, and drown out reason with fear. Logic, once a trusted advisor, has long since resigned. Hope occasionally attends the meetings, but is quickly silenced, outvoted by the dread majority.

Ansel’s governing tenure is exhausting. Even on bright summer days, the sky above his city remains overcast. Sunshine filters through only to be dimmed by the smog of worry. He lives under a permanent state of emergency, issuing curfews on joy, restrictions on peace, and ordinances against calm. His title of “Mayor of Despair” — is not ceremonial. It is a burden, a role he cannot seem to abdicate.

“Mayor of Despair” framed and hung.

Yet, even in this bleak administration, Ansel senses possibility. He wonders what it would mean to hold an election, to invite new voices into the council chambers. Could resilience win a seat? Could courage draft legislation? Could hope, once silenced, rise again as a trusted advisor? He imagines a future where despair is no longer the ruling party, where intrusive thoughts are recognized but not obeyed, where governance is shared with strength and compassion.

For now, he remains mayor, trapped in the paradox of power without freedom. But he dreams of resigning. He longs to vacate his office, to hand over the keys of the city to something greater than fear. The question he asks himself daily is not whether despair will always exist (he knows it will) but whether he can learn to govern differently. To lead not with panic, but with patience. To replace decrees of dread with policies of peace.

The city of his mind is vast, and its governance complex. But Ansel is beginning to see that even mayors can change their laws. Cities can renew and rebuild. And even despair, no matter how entrenched, can be challenged by the quiet revolution of hope.

If you are experiencing anxiety, depression, persistent intrusive thoughts or any other mental health related issues, here are some resources:

Professional & Clinical Resources

• Primary Care Physician or Psychiatrist
  First point of contact for medical evaluation, diagnosis, and treatment options.

• Licensed Therapists or Counselors
  Specialize in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), exposure therapy, or other evidence-based approaches for intrusive thoughts and anxiety.

• Psychologists
  Can provide therapy and coping strategies tailored to depression and anxiety.

Crisis & Immediate Support

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (U.S.) – Dial 988 for immediate support if someone feels unsafe or overwhelmed.

• Crisis Text Line – Text HOME to 741741 (U.S.) to connect with a trained crisis counselor.

• Local Emergency Services – If someone is in immediate danger, calling 911 is critical.

Mental Health Organizations

• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) – Offers education, peer support groups, and a helpline (1-800-950-NAMI).

• Mental Health America (MHA) – Provides screening tools, resources, and community programs.

• Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA) – Focused on anxiety disorders, depression, and related conditions.

Self-Help & Community Resources

• Support Groups – Both in-person and online (e.g., through NAMI or ADAA) to connect with others experiencing similar challenges.

• Mindfulness & Meditation Apps – Headspace, Calm, or Insight Timer can help manage intrusive thoughts and anxiety.

• Educational Books & Workbooks – Titles on CBT or mindfulness can provide practical exercises.

Online Therapy Platforms

• BetterHelp or Talkspace – Offer virtual counseling sessions with licensed professionals.

• Psychology Today’s Therapist Directory – Helps locate therapists by specialty and location.

⚠️ Important Note: These resources are meant as general guidance. If you are experiencing severe distress or thoughts of self-harm, reaching out immediately to a crisis line or emergency services is the safest step.